Best I Ever Had
by Rinna Zeki-Xiphos
Summary: This world just didn't make sense anymore...he'd trade his own soul just to bring her back to this world, let her make up the years that had been torn from her behind her back...oneshot songfic


A/n: Well, I didn't have a computer at the time I wrote this and didn't have any way of getting this song…so I guessed at the lyrics.  I think they're mostly right, except for the first line of 'And it may take some time…'  I'm not sure it's right.  Whatever.

            This is set after the game!  Whoo!  It's about Cloud and Aeris!  Whoo!  Squenix owns FF7!  Whoo!  Vertical Horizon owns 'Best I Ever Had'!  Whoo!  I wrote the story out of boredom!  Whoo!

…okay, whatever.  Hope you like this.

"Best I Ever Had"

            Temple of the Ancients, two years later.  He stood there, a bouquet of flowers from the church in Sector 6 in his hands.  Her flowers.  They'd stayed alive for him, luckily.  It hadn't seemed that way at first, but he'd fought to keep them alive, going out of his way to make sure they received the proper care.  They were the only living thing he had left of her, and to lose them…well, he really didn't want to consider that.

            He knelt by the small headstone, running his fingers over the name fondly.  Aeris Gainsborough.  God, how he missed her…a burning sensation began in his eyes again, but by now he was used to it.  It was just a price to pay to come visit her again.  He stared up at the sky.  Grey, as always.  It was as if good days had stopped the day she departed this world.

            He knew he shouldn't think like that.  It bothered his friends, and he didn't want to cause them any more worry.  They'd all freaked out when he broke up with Tifa, but they just didn't understand.  Nobody was the same as Aeris…nobody could make him feel the way she did.  Love just wasn't the same, and he didn't feel any need for it any longer unless it was coming from her.

_So you sailed away_

_Into a grey sky morning_

_Now I'm here to say_

_Love can be so boring _

"Aeris…" he said out loud, the name sounding beautiful even coming from him.  He looked down at her, wondering if she could still feel.  Maybe she could feel Sephiroth in the Lifestream and know they won.  Maybe she could feel him sitting beside the small place where the Lifestream bubbled to the face of the planet to see the sky again. 

_Nothing's quite the same now_

_I just say your name now_

He sighed.  He still missed her and thought about her all the time, but he'd by far improved from how it had first been.  After avenging her death and many others by fighting Sephiroth, he'd lost all will to carry on.  Tifa and the rest of his friends pulled him out of it, and things weren't as bad now.  He knew he'd never get her back, and he didn't need her to survive anymore.  However he'd trade his own soul just to bring her back to this world, let her make up the years that had been torn from her behind her back.  God.  She didn't deserve this…

_But it's not so bad_

_You're only the best I ever had_

_I don't need you back_

_You're just the best I ever had_

            Part of him still belonged to her…okay, maybe all of him did.  His heart still belonged to her, whether she knew it or not.  And that time…after Sephiroth…it was just Tifa after all, but he knew she'd been there.  He knew she had.  As if she knew that he still loved her, she'd shown up to help him.  Maybe.  Nobody else saw her, nobody else believed him…but he saw her.  That's all he needed.  Except thinking about it wasn't much fun…it'd leave him with a quick surge of warmth, then cold and lonely all over again.

_So you stole my world_

_Now I'm just a phony_

_Remembering the girl_

_Leaves me down and lonely_

            He took the folded up letter he'd written her and laid it beside her headstone.  It was simple…just three words, 'I love you', but he couldn't say it outloud…it was hard for him to say anything outloud to her anymore, even here where it was just him and the Lifestream.  He looked again at the headstone.  Aeris wasn't actually here…this is where they'd just placed their memorial to her, mainly because they knew Cloud couldn't go to where she was killed…

            Someday he'd be able to.  Someday he'd be able to face it all and return to the place he'd left her…just not today.

_Send it in a letter_

_Make yourself feel better_

"There you are, Cloud," Tifa walked up.  He winced.  True, his friend meant a lot to him…he just wanted to be alone right now, that was all.

"Tifa…"

"I know.  But you can't hide forever, Cloud.  She's gone.  I know that's hard to grasp, still, but you've got to move on.  What happened to the Cloud Strife I used to know?"

            _He's down there in the Lifestream with her, _he thought to himself, but said nothing.

"Take care.  I'll be waiting at the Highwind," she said, walking off.

            He sighed, drawing his knees up close and resting his head on them.  She was right and he knew it.  It would just take time, more time.  He just hadn't had enough time to completely get close to back to good, and that was all there was to it…

            He didn't want to believe that he had to move on.  He didn't want to leave this spot…but only time would tell what to do.

            He froze, suddenly, feeling someone breathing behind him.  He stayed still, not wanting whatever it was to catch him, but it didn't seem like a monster or anything.  A delicate and gentle hug…he didn't bother looking up.  Perhaps, if he sat here long enough, he could believe it was Aeris and not Tifa…he glanced out of the corner of his eye and could have sworn he saw her wink at him.

"You still owe me a date," he mumbled under his breath.

_"Maybe, someday…" _he heard her sweet voice whisper, and it was all he could do not to break into tears... _"Until then, I'll always protect you…"_

            He nodded slowly, unable to choke out any words.

"I love you," he finally managed to get out, but by then, she was gone…

            He stood up and walked back to the Highwind.

_And it may take some time to wake me up inside_

_And I can't take it so I run away and hide_

_And I may find in time that you were always right, were always right…_

A/n: She wasn't there to hear him say that!  Oh my gosh, what was I thinking?!  Why wasn't she there?  sobs  I've gotta write something with a happy ending…but this isn't happy…and neither was 'Wishing you were somehow here again', and then that other project I've got, it's not happy either…sobs 

            Well, guys, hope you enjoyed it, depressing as that was…

Love and peace,

xiffie


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